I originally write this post for the facebook group the Australian Surrogacy Community in March 2017. I was a fairly new surrogate at the time and had no idea that surrogacy would become such a part of my life, writing this as a 26 week pregnant surrogate, even now having work with the not-for-profit, registered charity Surrogacy Australia and running SASS, Surrogacy Australia’s Support Service.
Hopefully there are elements of this post that are educational and timeless.
*****************
This surrogacy village is very important to me as you will be the village that helps us all to make babies. So I want to do my bit to share ideas so that it can be a strong, supportive, successful village.
1. Don’t find us, we’ll find you.
2. Your surrogate can’t find you if they can’t see you. So how does a surrogate find you? Be active on this page. Comment on the posts of other people by supporting their highs and lows. By doing this, surrogates see how you interact with other people and what type of person you might be. With more recipients than surrogates, you need to stand out. This might suck and you might wish it worked differently, but unfortunately it’s the way this works. Let us get to know you and fall in love with you!
3. Read the pinned posts and ask questions. Not only will it give others a chance to interact with you, it allows surrogates to get a glimpse into your way of thinking.
As a potential surrogate myself, this is how I struck up conversations with others. I liked how certain people interacted on this page so I sent them a private message to say “Hey! I liked your post/comment. Where are you up to on your journey, how’s your day going etc” And things started from there, always with the intention of a friendship as I didn’t want an interstate journey. After having struck up conversations with all sorts of people, I’m expanding my horizons and I know now that an interstate journey can work. Especially if you have the right team. A good team is built on friendship and from there love will blossom.
4. Join the forum Fertility Connections (FC).
In FC you create your own thread and share your story about what brought you to the surrogacy world. It can double up as a sort of journal whenever you have updates and allows your fellow villagers to support you. It also allows potential surrogates to read your introduction and to possibly strike up a conversation. Surrogates are also welcome to create a thread in ‘My Story’.
5. Attend local seminars and group events. Growing Families host seminars in most capital cities once or twice a year and host an annual Surrogacy Conference, usually in June each year.
6. Pick up the phone and make a friend. Chat to people from this group in messages and at some point suggest to chat on the phone. I found that it lessened my nerves by chatting to ‘real life’ people who are a part of the same village. Before long, you’ll be paying it forward and you’ll be the one suggesting a phone call with a newbie. Each experienced member was new once and we received time and help from others when we started. We all like to pay it forward and to help others.
7. Consider some pre-surrogacy counselling. This suggestion is for IPs and surrogates. There are specialised surrogacy counsellors that you can have Skype sessions with if you don’t have access to someone in your city. Use the search function in this group or ask the group for recommendations. Some great options are Katrina Hale (NSW) and Narelle Dickinson (QLD).
For surrogates, this can be valuable to do to check you’re in the right frame of mind, and perhaps even to have a session with your husband/partner.
For IPs, to have arrived at the path of surrogacy often means that you’ve been faced with many challenges and heart breaks prior to joining. This grief needs to be addressed so that you can embrace surrogacy when you’re ready, regardless of whether you engage in domestic or overseas surrogacy. Counselling might also help you to decide on the type of surrogacy you investigate (altruistic/commercial).
8. If you’d like to hear me expand on these ideas, make a cuppa and have a listen (or see the YouTube clip) to Sarah and me.
9. As of January 2019, join SASS (Surrogacy Australia’s Support Service). This service is based on best practice models and research from within this community. It is designed to support both surrogates and intended parents in forming well-suited teams and to support those teams over their surrogacy journeys with inbuilt counselling, mentoring and expenses management support.
In conclusion, come in here (and FC) with the aim of building FRIENDSHIPS, not to find a surrogate. Build them with IPs and surrogates alike and you never know how your match will come to be, it might not be by you finding a surrogate directly.
💖 Love from Anna.
Surrogacy Safari 